it’s useful; it’s essential; it’s awesome; it’s stressful; it’s life.
We don’t talk about money enough. Well… we do, but when it’s good. Not when it’s bad, or the reality of it… we are all struggling in one way or another.
I’ll admit it, I’m shit with money. Don’t know what I’m doing, just coasting. In high school and early university I was “decent” with money, but that might be because I never went out, I never bought anything. I just sat there, did school. I did make some poor employment decisions that made money a little tight, but I was never in trouble. My first year living on my own I was rocking it. No money stresses, it was perfect. I just did my day to day without a worry. I didn’t really go out much, but I would go out for dinner with friends or host a party here and there. Bought a few DVD’s, some art supplies, music. I told myself “This isn’t hard, why is everyone so stressed about money?”.
Well! I spoke too soon!
I started getting over zealous. A trip to Paris with spending money I couldn’t afford, a new wardrobe way out of budget and was exclusive to summer fashions. An expensive project, eating out too often, singing lessons, a new phone because mine went for a swim. It adds up. Maybe not right away, but soon enough it hits you like an avalanche.
Today I have no savings, a dwindling checking account and a nearly max out credit card (only on my second year on my own). Everyday like 99% of the people out there I pretend like nothing is wrong, but when I get home all I want to do is curl up in bed with a bag of Caramelized Onion and Sour Cream Miss Vicki’s chips and wallow in my sorrows. I know this is a lesson I had to learn, I sure am living it now. I never understood life budgeting, like for a project or work thing I get it, but for my personal finances never got it. I think I’m going to have to sit down and do one. It’s an expensive lesson to learn and it’s hard when you feel like you can’t reach out to anyone for help.
To top it all off, the Universe thought it funny to play Bills by LunchMoney Lewis over 3 times in today’s shuffle. It gave me a moment of laughter that I desperately needed. I know I will find my way back to financial stability.
This has been a really humbling experience, it has taught me to be grateful for what I do have, that though I am going through this hardship I still am able to provide a roof over my head and food on the table. Though things are tight, it does but things into perspective.
To those of you out there struggling too, remember you are not alone. You will find a way out in time. Just take it one day at a time.
In the meantime, make music.